Relieve yourself

How a bathroom break became a call to liberation.

This post is written in deep gratitude and honor for Tricia Hersey, founder of The Nap Ministry. Her revolutionary work came to me when I was desperate for another way. It’s not just about rest, it’s about our collective spiritual liberation.

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In the early summer of 2021, I walked away from my corporate career as a human resource professional of 10 years. The HR world is brutal for an unconscious, codependent perfectionist. Like many of you, I’m sure, I experienced severe mental and emotional burnout in 2020, when my unraveling began.

While working from home during the pandemic (putting in more hours each day than I ever had in-office), I coped poorly with the collective fear of death and divisive hatred I obsessively consumed through TV and social media. Mired in fear and an unshakable, unhealthy sense of obligation to take care of my colleagues, I spiraled and suffered a mental breakdown. I had reached my breaking point.

Employee of the century! (sponsored by capitalism)

Meet the Workaholic. My goodness, I was a phenomenal employee. Work was my identity. You know, the emailing-on-vacation type. Queen of efficiency and captain of “gettin’ it done.” Ridiculously responsive and reliable. To be a good employee felt like a gold star awarded to a five-year-old. But being a good employee is like a gold star awarded to a five-year-old. You read that right. It meant nothing of value. I didn’t yet understand a simple truth—there’s nothing to prove.

When I submitted my notice of resignation, the Workaholic didn’t just give a 2-week notice, ya girl gave a 2-month notice, then extended it another month. Ha! I see you shaking your head. I told you, it was my identity. Identities die hard. Aren’t you impressed that I tied every single loose-end possible like a model teammate would? Aren’t you inspired that I would sacrifice my precious time to a corporation that found my replacement as I was still demonstrating loyalty to its system? I forgot to mention, the Workaholics’ twin sister is the Martyr. Whatever I was trying to prove, working harder did absolutely nothing except create a depth of exhaustion that eventually made me sick. 

Engrossed in work, I can recall countless instances where I neglected to eat, drink, or relieve myself for hours, caught up in an infinite sea of emails, Slack pings, browser tabs, Zoom calls, spreadsheets, text messages and calendar invites. I was drowning in a digital deluge that severed the connection to my body—my connection to the land. Between performing to prove my worth and the allure of false safety from a steady paycheck, I couldn’t get my head above water.

“Let me… just… finish… this… e-mail…”

Have you ever held your urine for so long that by the time you came to your senses, you felt great discomfort, even pain? You hurriedly lurch yourself into the bathroom, slamming your bottom on the toilet seat just milliseconds shy of humiliation. In that moment of forceful release, you sigh in satisfying relief. Briefly sitting still, you are suddenly struck with gratitude as you remember: damn, it feels good to release. 

Maybe I held it because I had something seemingly more important to work on. Maybe I foolishly bribed myself to finish the task to “earn” a break. Maybe I was still running that self-important “if I don’t do it, it won’t get done” program. Whatever the case, I held it in because, in my mind, it was more convenient to ignore my body and remain distracted a bit longer. That is, until you can’t hold it in anymore.

As the disconnect widened, the frequency of negligence increased and my body weakened from constant worry, restless sleep, muscle tension, anxiety attacks, intense rumination, high cholesterol, and critically low vitamin D levels, as confirmed by an annual physical exam. Burnout takes a devastating toll on your body, mind, and soul and ain’t no gold star (or golden handcuffs) shiny enough to be worth my life. This is the function of survival programming: to force you to survive.

After the announcement of my resignation, when co-workers asked me what’s next, I replied, “I just want to return to my body.” 

As we examine the parallels of our multi-dimensional nature, we find similarities in our emotional body. I’m always amazed at just how much my bladder can hold when I’ve cruelly tested its limits. I’m even more amazed by how much old pain and fear I’ve held in and ignored due to that same convenience of distraction.

Emotions are energy in motion. Their nature is temporary. Fleeting. Impermanent. The mind’s ability to hold onto the transitory energy of emotion for years (even lifetimes via generational curses) is why many of our decisions are driven by reactive impulse based on the past rather than an appropriate, present-time response. It is why we are weighed down by hardness of heart and mental unrest. In some cases, we grip so tightly to these passing winds that they metastasize in our bodies to form physical pain and disease. 

Because we’re holistic beings, the state of your mind and emotions is reflected in the health of your body. This is why it’s crucial to identify ways in which you are distracted from the true state of your inner landscape. This is deeper than a trendy, superficial work-life balance conversation. In our society, the temptation of distraction is an everyday reality. Workaholism, hustle/grind culture, addiction to entertainment, streaming wars, fear and survival, celebrity worship, endless scrolling, manipulative algorithms, over-consumption, and self-indulgence. All serving to sever your mind from your body. To keep you distracted in survival.

Your body is a gift from God. It is the vessel that allows you to exist here on Earth. Our emotions serve to illuminate the health of the mind by expression through the body; they are your internal compass pointing your awareness toward rotting roots that demand your attention for pruning. The blueprint of your healing is literally built into your body, the temple of the Spirit.

“Our bodies are a site of liberation.”

- Tricia Hersey

This intentional return to my body surprisingly unfolded into a divinely orchestrated return to my Spirit. I am blessed to remember my body has been guiding me this entire time. Reminding me that the relief of release is always available, if I get still and listen. There is another way.

Hey, it’s time for your bathroom break. Don’t get distracted.

 Get Curious About Yourself:

• How would you describe the relationship you have with your body? On a scale of 1-10, how would you rate your sensitivity and discernment to the messages your body is constantly sending you?

• In what ways have you been distracted from addressing past emotions that are still active in your body today? How do they affect your present-time decisions?

If you see me, I see you.