Turning my readers into works of art
Trusting art to deepen the relationship to myself and you
This post represents the culmination of many lessons that have been activated by my life’s curriculum: self-acceptance, taking action despite fear, asking for help, leaning into vulnerability, fostering reciprocity in relationships, meeting my needs, and the permission to make mistakes. It’s beautiful when you begin to see and trust the harmony of Life taking care of you on a micro and macro level.
The Pattern: Procrastination & Perfectionism
You already know. For years, I’ve been struggling with analysis paralysis as it pertains to the art I want to create. I often hyper-focus on meaning, which gets me caught up in conceptualizing and inevitably impedes the doing that actually holds the answers I am seeking. I also avoid commitment to one medium as a way of shirking the discipline required for mastery. When I trace these patterns to their roots, my good friend, Fear, is sitting there waiting to spend some quality time with me.
A loving reminder: fear is a friend, not a foe. Facing your fears starts with looking at them long enough to neutralize its charge in order to clearly see the areas beckoning your growth.
I used to mistake procrastination as laziness, but I realize it stems from self-doubt and the avoidance of internal or external judgement. A procrastinating perfectionist is afraid to start anything for fear of how it will end (and what that end “means” about them). When the artistic ideal envisioned in my head fails to meet the reality of my skill, I take it personally and deem myself not good enough, instead of seeing an opportunity to hone my skills. This has to stop.
I know what I truly desire is waiting on the other side of this exact fear.
The Solution: Accountability & Support
This is where You come in.
A close friend recently told me, “It’s not giving to your community if you are not receiving from them as well… because that’s not community.”
When I write these newsletters, I do so with the intention of giving you all a glimpse into the power of vulnerability and introspection as a way to change one’s life for the better. I know it can be scary to look at yourself, but I’m here alongside you, mirror in hand. Rarely, if ever, do I think of asking for help with the very things I struggle with and openly share with y’all.
That’s the strange and often unhealthy dynamic created from the parasocial relationships we hold via the internet. We get into the habit of transactional, consumption based exchanges and fail to remember intimacy requires both parties taking a risk to be seen and known by another. It’s often why we feel so connected through technology yet increasingly lonely.
The Invitation: Become My Muse
If you are open to a new type of connection in your life, I invite you to become a muse for a portrait painting by me.
This is a extremely vulnerable for me, because you will truly “see me” and my current skill level when you receive your portrait. It’s not going to be perfect. Shit, it might not even look like you. LOL. But I’m willing to fail forward, make “bad art” and credit you with the practice and progress I need to steward my gifts.
Needless to say, signing up will require self-reflection and vulnerability on your part too. For me, portraits are a powerful tool for looking inward. In a world of one-sided internet exchanges, I see this as an opportunity to foster a mutual connection with my readers as I deepen my artistic practice. Safe spaces are only created with courage.
For this first run, I will be gifting five portraits. If you are interested, reply to this email—first come, first serve—and I’ll reach out with more details. If more than five of you are down, I’ll let you know you’re on the waitlist. Paid subscribers (past and current) will receive extra surprises in your package.
This is completely experimental, and I’ve not allowed myself to flesh out all of the details in advance (that only adds to my procrastination), so I appreciate your patience, flexibility, and openness to how this unfolds! I give myself permission to get messy in the creative process.
I am excited to grow with you and connect in a fresh, new way.
If you see me, I see you.
